"Isn't it pretty, it raises the dead! Americans."
1. I cannot have another conversation like the one I had at lunch today, in which my normally sane colleagues freaked out about the fact that we all pour from the same plastic containers of salad dressing and use the same ice cream scoops. OMG the germz!!1!

Yes, human beings touch things that other human beings touch. If you would like to wear an astronaut suit at all times, you can avoid this. Otherwise? Germs. They fucking happen. DEAL WITH IT.

2. Two of my 6th graders have started a monthly lunchtime discussion group about books made into movies, which they asked me to advise. This is adorable, and I love it. However, their announcement about it this morning included this gem: "You don't have to have read the book, you just have to have an opinion!"

Uninformed opinions: they're what makes America great.